Well, the past 2 and a half weeks sure have been busy!
I definitely didn’t think my letter to Liam would be my last post before his arrival, but how nice that it was. In fact, I was laying in bed timing contractions as I typed it. This is where the story begins….
Monday, June 25th:
Our last doctor appointment… By this point, I was so sure Liam would be a late baby. I was dilated to 3 cm and the doctor offered to ‘strip my membranes’. She stated that by doing this, there is a chance I will go into labor within a couple of days. So, she performed the procedure which was pretty much just her beating up my insides while doing a cervical exam. Not as bad as I expected though. Instantly, I started contracting. We left the doctor’s office around 2pm and I went on home instead of returning to work. I layed in bed and timed contractions until my husband came home at 5:30pm. Contractions were 5 min apart, then 6min, then 4min, then 7min… It was quite frustrating. Matt (the hubby) had a work softball game that night at 6:00pm and asked if I felt up to attending. I had always heard that if it’s the ‘real thing’… nothing you can do will stop the contractions so I thought this was the perfect opportunity for me to get out of the house and see what happened. Well as soon as I parked my butt at the softball field, the contractions tapered off. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. Actually, that’s an understatement. I was frustrated, tired, anxious.. ALL of the above. I just knew that I’d be the exception to the ‘stripping of the membranes’… All that rang through my head was my doctor’s words, “for some people it works in two days, for some… contractions start and stop and never come back”. I just knew that was me. So the game ended and we returned home.
Tuesday, June 26th:
My coworkers sure were surprised to see me this morning. At this point, we had a scheduled induction to take place the following Monday, July 2nd and I was so bummed that this would probably be the route we would have to take to bring Liam into the world. I really wanted to go natural and use as little medical intervention as possible and that would be completely against my ‘plan’. It was all I could think about. Well, the work day went on and around 2pm I decided to call it a day. No reason in particular other than I was tired and aggravated. As I was leaving, several co workers assured me I would not be returning to work the next day… Ha, I had heard that for 3 weeks though.
I went home and lay in bed. This was becoming a routine for me. Around 3:00, contractions started back up. I was semi excited since I had felt absolutely nothing since 6:00pm the day before. I started timing them which almost became an obsession. Just waiting for them to be 5 min or less apart for a steady hour. That after all, was the magic time when my doctor would allow us to come to the hospital. So as I lay there timing, I decided to play some Sudoku and write on my blog. Contractions continued until Matt got home around 6:00pm. I was starving by this point and after an hour of debating, we decided to go to a local chicken restaurant, of course. Contractions were pretty steady throughout dinner and I noticed they started feeling … ‘different’. The contractions leading up to this day felt bearable. Felt exactly what you would think a contraction would feel like: tightening around the abdomen, like someone was squeezing your uterus. They weren’t super painful though, just enough to make you aware.
Well, on this night… they were different. Around 8pm, they started getting so strong that I would close my eyes and stop whatever I was doing to get through some of them. I however, was NOT about to go to the hospital just to be sent home. I had experienced false labor for 3 weeks now and though this did feel a bit different, I had no real way of knowing yet. So, what did I do? I watched ‘Dance Moms’.
Around 9pm, I decided to get ready for bed. As I lay there with Matt, the contractions became so strong that I had to squeeze his hand. He started timing them for me because during them, I had to use all my strength to concentrate and not tense up. We lay in bed timing until about 10:00 pm when I decided to get up and shower. I was hoping that if this was false labor, the activity of showering would make them stop.
It didn’t.
I then blow dried and straightened my hair with the intentions of not looking like a complete wreck if we were admitted to the hospital within the next 12 hrs. I then double checked our hospital bag and packed last minute things. During all of this, my contractions were a steady 3 minutes apart and getting pretty strong. Sometimes, one would hit and I couldn’t help but groan through it. They say ‘real’ contractions take your breath away; I thought this would mean you would be short of breath after it but it literally is a pain so strong that your chest feels a bit compacted. Not to scare anyone though- they were still bareable. I honestly was wavering back and forth as to whether we should go to the hospital or not. After everything was ‘done’ (I literally contemplated dusting the house really quickly incase we left for the hospital, HA!) I layed back down with Matt and told him I would give it to 11pm. At 10:45… I had a contraction so strong that it brought tears to my eyes and I knew this was no false labor.
TO THE HOSPITAL WE GO!
We were at the hospital by 11:15pm that Tuesday night. They hooked me up to monitors and watched my contractions for half an hour. She checked my cervix and I was dilated to 4cm. The nurse contacted my doctor who could see my contraction chart from her home computer. Since my contractions were a steady two minutes apart for the entire time, at 12:05am on Wednesday, June 27th… OFFICIALLY Liam’s Due date… we were admitted to the hospital for active labor! Yes, I sort of freaked out. Realized that the next time I returned home, there would be a small, fragile little one to care for.
It took a while for the nurse to move us from the triage bed to an actual room. During our waiting, I realized that the contractions were 100 times more bearable while standing. She had me lay down to adjust my monitors and the contractions literally double me over. In my mind, there was no point in experiencing labor this way when I knew standing would ease the inevitable pain.
So, for 20 minutes we waited on the nurse to return with admission instructions- all the while I stood, holding on to Matt, beating these 2 minute apart contractions. I had read a lot about controlling your pain tolerance and breathing through the pain. It was important to remind myself that the pain was only temporary and would soon be over. This type of ‘control’ really helped me get through each contraction and Matt actually had me laughing in between them. Gravity was my best friend though. I’m telling you- standing was the best way to get through that time.
The nurse returned to do my I.V. And let me tell you, I am SUCH a baby when it comes to needles! I cried my eyes out through the entire thing! Blood was everywhere when she finished! Ha! When you are admitted, they immediately take a few vials of blood- and apparently this hospital goes ahead and draws it from your IV line. I knew this was coming but I was NOT prepared for it.
Once that was done and I was completely psychologically immobile in one hand, they walked us to our labor room. Here I requested to go walking the hallways since the plan was no epidural and the contractions were too unbareable while laying down. They hooked me up to some wireless monitors to keep track of baby’s heart rate; and we walked and sipped on water. Normally, if you plan to have an epidural, they will go ahead and hook you up to an I.V. of fluids. I however, was so traumatized from the I.V. procedure that I refused the fluids and demanded a cup of water to drink instead. I walked for about 20 minutes until the nurse lost connection to our monitors. The wireless system wasn’t working so well. I returned to the room where the nurse had me lay down to check me as I was feeling quite a bit of pressure … down there. I was dilated to 6cm. I whole heartedly feel that walking through the contractions helped us progress 2 whole cm in an hour! While laying down, I experienced excruciating pain during a contraction. To the point where I jumped out of bed to stand so the pain would ease up. At this point, my ‘no epidural plan’ went out the window.
As scared as I was of needles, I knew that eventually, I would have to labor on my back. I know there are other options: squatting, on all fours, standing, in a tub, etc… but I wasn’t really into all that. If I was eventually going to be placed on my back, I knew I didn’t want to experience the pain I was feeling.
THE EPIDURAL…
They called the anesthesiologist to, ‘wake him up’. Those three small words freaked me out. But apparently they said he was the best to have on call. Since I refused fluids earlier and it’s required that you complete 2 bags of fluids before administering an epi, they immediately hooked me up to some and began pumping them double time into my I.V. This sucked because the fluids made my arm freezing cold which in turn made my whole body shiver. I had two blankets over and Matt’s sweatshirt!
The anesthesiologist arrived and Matt was required to leave the room for the procedure. (Hospital policy which was dumb). Seeing his face as he had to leave me was heart-breaking. He knew how terrified I was of this procedure and I had already told the nurse that it’s quite possibly my biggest fear.
So, he left and it began.
They cleaned my back and I leaned into the nurse’s chest. (Dealing with all these nurses gave me a new respect for what they do. They really do have hearts of gold!) I squeezed her and all comfort zones went out the window. She was so comforting- but not comforting enough. The anesthesiologist warned me that the numbing shot would be the worst. I expected this shot to be something like the numbing shots you get in your gum at the dentist. No, the needle felt deep into my spine and HURT. I won’t even sugar coat it. I don’t know why it hurt so bad to me but it was the first time I actually screamed. I almost bit the nurse’s collarbone! HA!
Once that was complete (oh yeah, not to mention I was HAVING a contraction during the procedure! UGH) – he fed the catheter in through my back. This was a good bit of pressure and it SUCKED but it wasn’t nearly as bad at the numbing shot. He taped it into place and laid me into bed. He hung around for a bit waiting for the medicine to kick in. I warned him that my body sometimes fights anesthesia and I convinced him to pump a little extra ;-). Matt was finally back in the room- THANK gosh!
At this point, the medicine had really set in and I DID NOT like the way it felt. My skin started itching (a reaction to the anesthesia) and my legs and feet felt like a constant ‘asleep’ tingle. I thought the anesthesia would make them nonexistent but apparently they've ‘improved’ (not an improvement in my opinion) the medicine where you are still aware of feeling but not pain. So I couldn't feel someone touching my foot but the tingle was so annoying. So much so, that the epidural was administered at 2 am and by 7 am, I still had not slept. I was constantly asking Matt to pick my legs up and readjust them. Maybe it’s a personal thing but that feeling was so frustrating; I almost regretted the epidural…
It WAS nice not feeling the contractions, or the urine catheter they installed, OR the cervical checks… All things that for sure would have been uncomfortable.
Around 6 am, the nurse stated that my doctor would be in at 7:30 am to check me. That was the longest wait ever. I knew I had to be close to ready because I measured a 6cm at 2am! It was now 7am! My doctor showed around 7:15am and stated she had a c-section to do down the hall at 7:30 am and would be back to check me and break my water afterwards. That was so frustrating to wait for. I felt like I was ready to push but had to wait on my doctor to finish someone else. Maybe it was not sleeping for 24 hrs that got to me but I just started bawling around 8:00am. Waiting on her sucked! I was more and more uncomfortable and a sort of anxious you can’t describe. The nurse was so sweet, wiping my tears for me and assuring me it wouldn’t be much longer.
Around 8:15am, my doctor walked in and checked me. She said that there was ‘no bag of waters’ which was odd because at NO point had it broken. This stumped all the nurses and myself. Later we learned that the bag had broken but Liam was already so low, that the water had gathered up behind him. She also said I was 10cm dilated and ready to push.
PUSH…. For 2 HOURS?
They wheeled in the baby cart and suturing table and pulled down the big bright light and man did things get real, FAST! They positioned me to start pushing and the doctor left. I was so confused. Apparently, you just start pushing with your nurse until they get an idea of how long it will take. After my first set of pushing, she stated I would need to probably push for an hour. AN HOUR?! I thought this was the fast part? Okay, I can do this… Game on.
So we pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed. At 9:24 am I kindly reminded my nurse, “its been an hour” and she stated that yes, it has but it seems that every time I push, he comes 1 inch out and slides back in 2 inches. Agh… so the doctor came in and stated, “oh you’re doing GREAT! Great pushing!” but I didn’t feel this to be true. She stated that if necessary, we could use a vacuum to assist since I seemed so tired. I told them that I was completely against that unless it got to a point where my pushing just wasn’t effective anymore. The nurse stated that he had descended but I would need to keep pushing before determining that. I pushed for another hour and then the nurse checked my temperature. 101.3- It freaked me out how that concerned her so. She immediately got the doctor in the room and let her know. She replied, “Oooooh. Okay, we gotta have this baby now”. I freaked… “LIKE A C-SECTION???” I said. The doctor replied, “no, no nooo… vacuum.”
UGH. Okay, that was better than a c-section. However, before we even applied the vacuum, Liam had skin peeling off his scalp. The nurses and doctor were confused by this- unless it happened from the nurses being too rough with their cervical checks.
The doctor informed us that, Number 1: with my temperature being high, he would most likely be admitted to NICU for antibiotics. And Number 2: the vacuum would scab up his head a bit. We were thankful for this knowledge going into it so we would be prepared for when that time came.
So, the doctor applied the vacuum and I pushed… “POP”- the vacuum slipped off. All I could think about was his poor scalp. She tried again… “POP”… It came off again. I could see the frustration on my doctor’s face and hear it in her voice. There were neonatal nurses standing around and pushing nurses and the doctor and people holding my legs…and my husband by my side when I heard the doctor say to the nurse next to her: “get the forceps”. She DIDN’T even ask me. She didn’t even tell me.. she just demanded it. That scared me. Everything up until this point had been communicated with me but this had a sense of urgency. I immediately looked up at Matt and for the first time, my eyes welled up with tears of fear. He was so amazing at keeping me calm and assured me it was okay.
The nurse returned with the forceps and the doctor started inserting them. Now what I didn’t realize going into this is that you have to wait for a contraction to come before you can push. This gets old FAST. My contractions had slowed to 5 minutes apart and waiting that time frame in between pushing was horrid. I was afraid the contractions would slow to a stop and a c-section would be next but thank the Lord they didn’t.
The first time I pushed with the forceps, Liam didn’t come out. But once I finished pushing and relaxed to wait on another contraction, everything got sucked back in. Including Liam and the forceps. This was a type of pain that the epidural couldn’t mask. I felt like my bones were being pushed a part! I just laid there in the bed shaking my head and I remember saying, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t”. Five long minutes passed and another contraction came. I saw the determination in my doctor’s face. She was getting this baby out this time; and I, well I pushed harder than I had in the entire 2 hour period.
BABY!
I heard, “ALMOST! PUSH!” and then I heard, “The head is out”. Which was an incredible emotion. The forceps would not be necessary from then on. I saw Matt glance over at Liam’s head and look back at me and say, “wow”. Then within seconds, the rest of his body was out. He started crying immediately! To see this baby all balled up, with his legs to his chest and face screaming while the doctor laid him on my belly was … remarkable.
It is unbelievable at that moment that a child has lived inside of you for 9 months and is now laying on your chest. The neonatal nurses took him from my chest to the warmer. I told Matt right away to follow them. He was a pale grey color which was definitely scary. But we also knew that his heart rate was good and steady the whole time and he cried immediately which were both good signs. He was very still and quiet though once laying in the warmer. I didn’t realize this until I went back and watched the video that Matt took. It is definitely much more frightening to go back and see now. Doctors told Matt that they were going to go ahead and take Liam to the NICU since he wasn’t doing the best breathing on his own but he shouldn’t be in there for too long.
In the meantime, my doctor did all the afterbirth stuff and stitched me up. I did not feel a THING which was great! I really thought I would after experiencing the pain of the forceps but … nothing!
The doctor completed and within moments the entire room was cleared out and it was just me, Matt, and our nurse again. She removed my epidural, removed my catheter, and started antibiotics through my I.V due to my temperature. She brought me sprite and graham crackers which were the best dang sprite and graham crackers I ever ate. She returned in 45 minutes to help me walk to the restroom. There she taught me about how I would heal and take care of myself for the next several weeks. Right away I was put into a wheel chair and wheeled to our postpartum room. I couldn’t believe how fast after delivery everything was done and we were moved! I was THRILLED to have ‘my legs back’ as I kept repeating.
All the while, I knew Liam was in good hands and I sent Matt to go visit him. He returned with the sad picture of Liam with the CPAP on his face, iv, and stomach tube. It looked worse than what they let on- BUT they did say he would only be there for a few hours. Well, hours passed and his pediatrician came into our postpartum room and said that he was doing good but would probably not be with us until later that night. We trusted her and the doctors working with him and were able to finally catch an hour or two of sleep. At 8pm I was very curious as to why he was not with us yet so Matt wheeled me to the nursery. The nurse stopped us before we got over to him and stated, “you’re going to be surprised!”. I walked over and the CPAP was removed which immediately made me cry with happiness.
Before, we were not allowed to hold him because of it and the ‘stress’ it would cause the baby. So now… finally, almost 12 hours after laboring… I was able to hold my baby boy. What an incredible feeling. Talk about love. Wow.
Long story short, his breathing and everything was great by the next afternoon. The nursery worked great with us by calling to our room every 3 hours in the middle of the night for me to come feed Liam. By 11am the next morning, Matt and I were getting up and preparing to walk down to the nursery to go visit Liam. When we opened our door, there Liam lay in his own little bed, right on our doorstep. We had intercepted the nurse bringing him to us for good. What a surprise. Again… tears of joy! Then she walked away and fear set in. We were officially in charge of this precious little angel. Would I do everything right, would I learn his cries? Would he stop breathing if I slept? Would he be comfortable and healthy? But just having him there was answer enough… God had chosen us and none of those concerns were meant to be worried over. We were officially a family of THREE and blessed beyond belief!
